


The Two Interns of Night Vale Community Radio Who Just Won't Die

by thedaveanon



Category: Homestuck, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-19
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-03-13 20:24:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 10,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3395240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedaveanon/pseuds/thedaveanon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <span class="cecil">Two young people came into town today. One, a young woman, and with her, a young man.</span>
  <br/><span class="cecil">Who are they? What do they want in Night Vale? Perhaps they are willing to answer these questions seeing as they are now standing in my studio.</span>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Two Visitors

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Longest Surviving Intern at Night Vale Community Radio](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1051890) by [Empirate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Empirate/pseuds/Empirate). 



Two young people came into town today. One, a young woman, is wearing robes that remind me of the oranges and yellows in a sunrise, a black headband, and black lipstick, and she has short blonde hair and the loveliest violet eyes. And with her is a young man, who is tall, with short, stylish white blonde hair, a handsome face. And, well, I would describe his eyes, listeners, but I’m afraid they are obscured from even _my_ vision by a pair of triangular sunglasses. He is dressed in princely clothes the colors of a fading rose and the violet hue of the sky just past sunset. The young woman is carrying a pair of violet knitting needles, and the young man is carrying a katana.

Who are they? What do they want in Night Vale? Perhaps they are willing to answer these questions seeing as they are now standing in my studio, one pair of obscured eyes staring at me intently as the lovely violet pair of eyes look around my studio.

The young man inquires if we have a DJ position open. Seeing as this is a news station that doesn’t play music of any form, no such position is available, I’m afraid. However, we do happen to have two internship spots vacant, if you would like. As you think over it, I have only one thing to say to the two of you now, and to all of you out there listening…

Welcome, to Night Vale.


	2. Station Management Meets Their New Favorite And An Intern Befriends The Sentient Wind

Good evening, listeners. Today is another day in which we exist in this world. In which we exist in this moment. It is another day in which we are here, sharing and existing in this moment, together. Another moment of our fleeting lives being shared by us all.

Listeners, I hate to open the broadcast with sad news, but intern Rose has not returned after an event that occurred quite recently. After yesterday’s broadcast, I was having a discussion with Station Management, you see, and, well, intern Rose happened upon the scene of me mid-argument. She immediately asked me what I was doing, and I explained I what I was discussing with Station Management. Wordlessly after my explanation, which was quickly followed by my stern yell of warning, intern Rose stepped into Station Management’s office and has not returned since. I fear the worst has befallen her, and so, to the parents, whoever those poor souls may be, and loved ones of intern Rose, she–

-humming growl. tap. tap. tap. tap. tap. tap. tap.-

Hang on, listeners, I’m not sure what that was, but–

Cecil.

Rose? I-is that you? (Are you here?)

Yes, Cecil, and I am very much alive, thank you.

But, Station Management–

Station Management has not, nor do I think they will ever intend to harm me. I did discuss your problem with them and convinced them in your favor. I became quite good friends with them, and I apologize for losing track of time talking with them. I would have hardly noticed how much time had passed if they had not been playing your broadcast.

Th-they listen to my broadcast?

All the time.

Ah. Well. It is good to, see you alive and well, Rose. Never mind my previously prepared obituary.

Speaking of interns returning from a strange place in the name of helping, I sent intern Dirk out to investigate a disturbance out at the Hole in the Vacant Lot Out Back of the Ralphs; some matter involving a sentient wind disturbing the people who huddle there. And, well… Dirk came back! I will not, in fact, be reading the statement that I prepared for his parents, if he actually has parents, which I almost hope he doesn’t, because what parent in their right mind would let their child leave the house armed with a flimsy, highly fragile sword? I mean really.

Now, I’m not going to lie. When I said my goodbyes to intern Dirk after our last show, I was prepared never to see his unendingly emotionless face again. But – he walked in today all the same, completely unharmed!

Dirk has not relayed many of the details of his investigation to me, but what he has revealed is certainly interesting.

He explained to me that he had gone down to the Hole in the Vacant Lot Out Back of the Ralphs immediately after the show to see what he could find out. He described coming up to the desolate lot and being approached by the usual people who huddle there. Dirk very kindly asked them to back off as they tried to grab at him and at his clothes, gnashing what he described as, his words, not mine, “dull, flat teeth similar to those belonging to a cow that has gnashed its teeth far too many times while it eats.” He managed to convince them to keep their hands to themselves even without having to resort to drawing his sword, I’m told, though they did continue to follow him around in a huddled mass. Dirk told me how he managed to meet the apparent “sentient wind” to which the crowd that followed my intern did not approach, merely hissing at it as they stood sixteen feet away from it. Dirk didn’t describe it other than it didn’t seem to mean any harm, but that it also seemed slightly delirious.

He mentioned planning to go back today, this time bringing Rose with him. While I am not too keen on this idea, especially since the station does not have the funds to lose two interns to the same terrible outside force, Dirk assures me whole-heartedly that this wind doesn’t seem harmful; but, listeners, we know all too well about seemingly benevolent things spilling blood. Despite my warnings, he insists, and I have no power to physically stop him, and so I can only hope for the best.


	3. Dirk's Disappointing Discovery

A woman – or perhaps, _not_ a woman – stands before a rip at the edge of the world she is inhabiting. Without a glance back at those she has been trapped with, she seizes her freedom, and thus leaves what she has known for an immeasurable amount of time. She is a new woman – with an old, old grudge. And she doesn’t plan to stop until she has finished what she had begun. What she must begin anew in this strange new world. And she will crush the enemy who has been haunting her since her long exile’s beginning.

This has been, Traffic. And now I give you over to intern Dirk with today’s financial news.

Thanks Mr. C. In financial news, Night Vale’s black market is booming. According to our resident black market economist, Maven Watchnoose, sales of a certain banned book genre – wait a minute, that can’t be right.

Hmm? Is something wrong?

Cecil, I think there’s something wrong with this report. It’s saying that manga is _outlawed._

But of course. You sound surprised by this.

Um, yeah. This is extremely surprising. (No wonder I haven’t found it in any of the stores though…)

Hmm? Did you say something?

Err, nothing. …Anyway, manga sales are higher than they have ever been since we started keeping track of that kind of thing. We got in touch with Tamika Flynn, the owner of most banned books in Night Vale, and who everyone believes is providing the books. She said that she believes that everyone should embrace great literature, and even if manga doesn’t quite qualify considering it has more pictures than words, it does have a certain quality that is alluring. She admits that she reads each graphic novel before providing it to her most frequent buyer of the special genre. She believes that they should be allowed in Night Vale, mainly because she, like her buyer, has fallen in love with these fascinating, heartbreaking graphic novels.

I don’t want to disagree too much with young Tamika, but… I don’t think everyone is cut out for reading difficult and foreign literature. That’s why such books are outlawed.

I’m afraid I’ve got to disagree with you on that point, Cecil. I think Tamika’s right. Maybe it’s not for everyone, but it should be available for those who like it.

Dirk? Are you trying to suggest that you’ve been reading banned books?

“Suggesting” might not a strong enough word.

Dirk! You realize how wrong that is?

I’m sorry I didn’t know it was illegal to enjoy classic Japanese literature. At this rate, they should just outlaw Asian people and their culture.

I think there’s been a bill proposed about that, but we are getting off topic!

Jesus Christ, I was kidding; it’s like it’s World War II.

*sigh* Dirk, at least you haven’t bought any, right?

…Sure, we can say that. If it helps you sleep at night, man.

*sigh* Honestly. Err, where were we…

Don’t worry, Mr. C, I got you covered.

And now the weather.

[[musical interlude](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJBH70Lntro)]


	4. Part 1: StrexCorp’s New Rival…

Sleep heavily. Know that I am not with you now, but far, far, _far_ away as I am held captive by the cruel confines of time and space. It is so cold without you here at night. And I miss you dearly, just as much as you miss me.

Welcome, to Night Vale.

Good evening, listeners. As you can tell, intern Rose will be assisting me with the show tonight. I now give you over to her with tonight’s news.

Thank you, Cecil. Tonight’s top story is rather interesting. A new company sprang up in Night Vale almost overnight, and has been selling its products to all non-Strex-owned stores across town. StrexCorp simply refuses to buy from this new company, which it believes will not be a profitable venture for them, according to StrexCorp’s representative, Lauren Mallard.

However, business in the stores selling the new products has skyrocketed tremendously. And a number of stores have even been bought by the company itself, which has promised discounts on its products to those who become a part of the company. From new computers to music products to vehicles to…cake mixes…err, this company seems to sell it all. And it seems like StrexCorp may have a rival on the market.

You know, Rose, I think that it’s is rather exciting that someone is actually putting up a fight against StrexCorp and winning. I’ve actually bought several of its products in support, and I plan to try this “cake mix” I found while grocery shopping yesterday. I’m not entirely sure what it is, but it looks delicious!

*strained* That’s great, Cecil. Perhaps Dirk and I should check it out sometime, maybe after we visit our wind friend.

I recommend it. Say, speaking of the sentient wind, how is he?

Err, actually… We went to visit the sentient wind who has been living Hole in the Vacant Lot Out Back of the Ralphs for the past two and a half months yesterday, but… He had vanished without a trace. The people who huddled in the Hole in the Vacant Lot Out Back of the Ralphs told them that apparently some officials dressed in red suits representing a company with the initials “BCC” came and apprehended and caught the wind – somehow. We don’t what they did with him, or anything…

…I actually think those officials might have been from the very company we’re talking about here! Honestly, if they can do this well **and** benefit the public by moving bothersome things out of the way, they are a company I can do business with. I’m telling you Rose, I really think this CrockerCorp is a good thing.

…………………(Oh no…)……Err, well, yes, congrats to CrockerCorp for having the hottest brand on the market. More on this story as it develops.

Thank you, Rose, for that lovely news segment. And now it’s time to look at today’s horoscopes.

Leo. Tackle-pounce someone you care about today. The throngs of your affection will cheer them up immensely from a recent heartbreak.

Virgo. Someone misses you terribly. They are painfully yearning to be with you again. They regret never telling you the secret feelings they have been harboring since they met you. It’s too late now, though, right?

Libra. If only you could see what you are not seeing! Actually, maybe it is better that you are blind to the horrifying terrors around you.

Scorpio. Look up. What do you see? Is that a spider? A giant spider? Oh well. It was nice knowing you, Scorpio.

Sagittarius. You can lead a horse to water. You can also lead a horse into water. You can swim and have fun with the horse.

Capricorn. Laughter is all around you, today. It is pressing in closer as distant screams fade into silence. Run, Capricorn. Run for your pitiful life.

Aquarius. You will find trouble in your love life today. Be prepared for anything that may befall your relationship, such as the disappearance of someone you hold dear. Maybe take up drinking while crying in a quiet room as you mourn. Remember to lock the door to keep your concerned friends out.

Wow, what a specific and… _painful_ horoscope. Thanks for nothing, stars!

Pisces. Give someone a fish and they’ll eat for a day. Teach someone the truth about fish and they’ll never sleep peacefully again.

Aries. Your future is whatever you make of it. Just remember that your supplies are limited to the present.

Taurus. You will be given a job offer you cannot refuse soon. Seriously, they will not take “no” for an answer. They know where you live, Taurus, and whom they can hurt to get you to cooperate. Maybe you should call your loved ones to tell them goodbye before you are led, tied, blindfolded, and weary, to your new, hostile workplace.

…Another very…specific, horoscope. I…think I will be placing a call in a few moments, listeners.

Gemini. Everyone you know will be replaced by his or her double today. This will be done completely without your knowing, so it won’t affect your life too badly.

Cancer. Do not worry about the utopian future you can see in your dreams. It will not ever happen, and you will not be around to see it happen much longer.

This has been, horoscopes. And now, a word from our sponsors. Rose?

Today’s sponsor is…oh. CrockerCorp. Why am I not surprised.

Worried that all is as it was meant to be? Lonely. Dystopian. Terrifying. Painful. Unfair. Cold. Fleeting. Don't worry. CONFORM TO SOCIAL ORDER Let the lights OBEY lull you into peace. STAY ASLEEP  Let CONSUME your true queen bring you DESTROY comfort in your stressful, horrible DIE lives.

CrockerCorp. Expertize from our kitchen and yours.

Sorry if you received any, err, interference, listeners, I’m not entirely sure what that was. Cecil seems to be busy on the phone still, so I’ll continue to stall for him.

In financial news, StrexCorp has tried to retaliate against CrockerCorp by threatening to not sell to stores who have sided with CrockerCorp, to no avail. Crocker products have been flying off the shelves into customers’ baskets and have caused CrockerCorp to rake in an enormous profit. Several stores have been bought by CrockerCorp to get the benefits that being company-owned brings, such as cheaper price offers on products, and upgraded protection systems to prevent theft. StrexCorp is beginning to regret their refusal to become business partners with CrockerCorp’s manager, Miss Meenah Crocker.

_The wasted years/The wasted youth/The pretty lies/The ugly truth/And the day has come where I have died~~_

Oh, one moment, listeners. I guess I forgot to silence my cell. …Maybe we should answer this together, listeners. Hello?

_Please tell me that I’m hearing things and that you are **not** talking about CrockerCorp._

Dirk, please, keep in mind that you are on the air.

_Like the possibility of being arrested for “slandering” a “good” company name – if that’s even a thing – honestly scares me, Rose._

*sigh* Yes, yes, I realize. Yes, you are hearing right about CrockerCorp, but who knows? Maybe it’s a coincidence.

_You know it’s not, Rose. It’s not possible for it to be a coincidence. Not when you look at all the facts right here, screaming the truth in our blind faces._

Dirk, please, you need to calm down. We aren’t even sure if it really is her. Who knows, this could be a cheap imitation.

_Not funny, Rose. You know what she’s capable of, not to mention what she’s already done._

……………I know. I’m sorry. Deep breaths. Even if it is her, we’ll be okay.

_*sigh* I hope you’re right. Cause if you’re wrong…_

I know. Now, I need to get back to the broadcast. If you need someone to talk to, go to Carlos.

_Alright. Be careful, Rose._

You too, Dirk.

Where was I…Hmm. That was all for the financial news, so let’s see what we have next…

-papers shuffling-

And now, traffic.

New cars have hit the roads today, red in color and advertising the CrockerCorp brand. They do not seem to have drivers of any age, race, or species, and seem to have no regards for basic traffic protocols. Be careful on the roads today, citizens, and on various sidewalks. Also, it might be a good idea to steer clear of most businesses – lines are out the doors in most places as people rush to get items from the latest and hottest brand. Um, if you see a business not overcrowded in this way, perhaps you could try there to shop? I hear StrexCorp has been lowering their prices on many items just to get business.

[Distant] Rose, what did I tell you.

But, Mr. Palmer–

Nope! Your black magic privileges will be revoked if you keep this up.

**_What._**

- **SCREECHING GROWL** -

See? Even Station Management disproves this blasphemy–

That’s not what that noise was about.

Rose? Rose! Where are you going?

I’ll be right back, Cecil! Station Management needs me!

What?! But–*sigh* _Teenagers._ What am I going to do with that girl?

- ** _HOOOOWWWWLLLL_** -

[Distant] _DON’T YOU **DARE!**_

Rose?! No, Cecil, just ignore her. She’s trying to get attention. Let’s just all ignore her for now and move on to our regular broadcast. I’m fairly certain that she’ll be fine considering the number of times she has visited Station Management’s office and returned alive.

But…You know…That scream really is concerning. Hmm… Now I’m starting to feel guilty. Would it make me a bad employer to just… ignore her? It sounds really rough out there… And, no matter how well she may get along with the terror that is Station Management, she is still just an eighteen-year-old girl. And it is my job to protect her, as her employer.

And now, while I go check on Rose, I take you, Night Vale, to the weather.

[[musical interlude](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aa-I56ZmX1Q)]


	5. Part 2: …May Not Be As Benevolent As We Thought.

*ragged* …Listeners…Oh, listeners.

I have seen plenty of terrifying things in my life. But most of it pales in comparison to the monstrosity I witnessed today. My intern, Rose – sweet, beautiful, and headstrong Rose – she is still alive, but today I glimpsed only a small piece of the terrors she’s experienced.

During the weather I went to see what was wrong, and, I found the walls bathed in black light as soon as I left the booth. It continued to get darker as I followed it toward its source, and, oh, listeners. I saw Rose, as she floated three feet above the floor outside Station Management’s open office door, tendrils of black light emanating from her body as her clothing rippled in an unseen wind. She was chanting in a strange, ancient language that I did not know as Station Management howled, tentacles, waving wildly from the door. I cried out to Rose and she turned towards me. And I saw that her eyes were glowing pure white, the only light left in the room, and her skin was an ashen gray, almost as darkly colored as the Void.

I am not sure what she said to me, since she was still speaking in that foreign language. But she smiled, as if trying to comfort me as black tendrils began to wrap around her form and, as she turned away, I saw what she was fighting, listeners. I watched as she ripped the last robot drone apart with the tendrils. Rose watched something as it ran, not going after it as she slowly sunk toward the floor again, the door to Station Management’s office closing once more. I caught her before she could hit her head against the linoleum, the grayness of her skin fading back to its normal paleness.

Listeners, I’m not sure what happened to intern Rose, nor am I sure that I want to know. But… Even so, I do know that she is all right… I think. I called Carlos and asked him to come pick her up and take her home, and while I wait for him to get here, I am sitting near her as she rests on the lounge couch, which I have dragged into the studio, since she fainted not long after what happened. I hope she will be just fine, but now I have so many more questions to ask. I guess this is just one of those things that I will not get an answer to because it’s one of those things that we will never be able to fully understand, especially considering our track record on these sort of things.

And now, as the lights begin to come out overhead, we begin to realize the small victories of the day. StrexCorp has a new, successful rival. Many of you found great bargains today. Intern Rose is alive from whatever battle she fought with those terrifying drones. We are all still here and alive. 

-door hinges-

We got here as quickly as we could, Cecil.

Ah, thank you for coming so quickly, Carlos. Listeners, Carlos has just arrived in the studio with my other intern Dirk.

She was an idiot. She knew things were dangerous, and she promised me she wouldn’t go grimdark again, but…damn it, I told her to be _careful._

…She should be fine. She just needs a good rest.

Thank god, I was terrified you were going to say she was dying or something.

Say, Dirk. If you don’t mind me asking… Do you have any idea as to what happened?

… *sigh* I’m not completely sure about the entire situation, but I can tell you a few things. But… It might be better to say them off the air.

Alright, if you insist, Dirk. Let’s get Rose home. And so, with that I bid you farewell, Night Vale, and remember – those lights you can see just over your right shoulder are not in your head.

Stay tuned next for the distant sounds of electrical charges and screams.

Goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.


	6. An Explanation

Somewhere in this strange, strange chunk of hurtling space rock we call home, there are two people who cling to lost opportunities, dead relationships, and a broken family.

Welcome, to Night Vale.

Good evening, listeners. I am happy to report that intern Rose has fully recovered from her time of being possessed by Station Management, and she is doing wonderfully. Carlos and I had a nice chat with interns Dirk and Rose after yesterday’s broadcast, and we learned _so_ many things. I’m not even allowed to tell you all of these things, but I will let my interns explain some of these things as best as they can to you all.

Yup. Cecil here is going to monitor every little thing to come out of our mouths, of course, so we don’t say anything we shouldn’t say.

Of course, if we do say something that we shouldn’t, we apologize in advance. But… really, this all needs to be said.

Dirk and I arrived here in Night Vale about… How long has it been, four months now?

That sounds about right.

Anyway, we didn’t exactly… come here through the normal way. And by that I mean we didn’t drive, or fly, or walk.

We were each playing separate sessions of the same video game with our friends. And though they were separate–

They were still connected. That’s how we met. And, before we get any farther, thanks to the gossip column in the Night Vale Daily Journal, I am afraid I’m going to have to put down _several_ of the rumors going around about Dirk and myself right now.

Wait a minute, there’s been rumors about us?

I’m afraid so. I didn’t think it was an important enough problem to mention yesterday until I found rather… _descriptive_ fan fiction in another gossip magazine; the name of it is failing me at a moment – I believe it was Night Vale’s Celebrity Secrets or something ridiculous like that.

Oh my god.

Exactly. So, Night Vale, I am going to say this once, and _only_ once. Dirk and I are related by blood, and I’m not sure how it is viewed here, but where we come from, incest is repulsive and looked down upon. Besides, quite honestly I believe I am more of a lesbian than Dirk is. Besides, Dirk is genetically–

Let’s not get into the detail of our entire family history, Rose. Let’s let them off easy for now, I mean we did just sink everyone’s ship. C’mon, even Cecil looks heartbroken.

True. Sorry, Cecil. Alright then, back to the game sessions. Technically, there wasn’t just two sessions, but multiple, all of them connecting four universes together. We’ll refer to these universes in order as A1, A2, B1, and B2.

A1 was the first universe to begin its session, however, all twelve of its players died in an explosion set off by their leader in an attempt to ensure that they all would survive a process called The Scratch.

The Scratch is, in essence, the game’s reset button. Only, it doesn’t reset just the game session – it resets the entire universe, thus creating A2, an alternate version of A1. A1 and A2 were inhabited by an alien race known as trolls, twenty four of which were the players in their respective universe, twelve players per universe. Although I didn’t personally know all of the players of this particular session, I did know and become close to a few. I… became, especially, close to one in particular, but…

…Anyway… The twelve from this universe were actually almost successful in completing the game’s goals, which are made up of two parts. The first part involved creating an entire universe, and the second part involved defeating a gigantic monster king. They were successful in both; however, when they tried to claim their prize – which was to become god-like rulers over the universe they had created – they ran into a bit of trouble. More specifically, a cancer they had accidentally created in their new universe. It came in the form of a NPC named Jack Noir from the B1 session – which didn’t yet exist at this point, but forget weird time shit – who had gone rogue. This rogue NPC forced the twelve teenage trolls into hiding. Now, unable to rule over their new universe, they could only watch over the four humans who lived in said universe – B1 – and who would play the game next.

Now we’re at the part where my session comes into play. I participated in this game with my three best friends, and virtually none of us had any idea as to what we were getting ourselves into. We had no idea that we would be changing our lives forever. In a single day, however, we managed to do far more than anyone would think possible. All four members of my session managed to get into the game, indirectly cause a meteor apocalypse on Earth, watch our guardians die or find their dead bodies, die ourselves and be resurrected to a special rank known as “god tier”, and Scratch our own session. You’re probably wondering how we survived The Scratch if A1’s players had to die to survive it. Truth was, we escaped it, but just barely.

Where did they escape to? None other than B2, my universe. In B2, I also played with my three best friends, but things were a little bit different for our session. …Okay, a lot different.

For one, not all of the players lived in the same time period. Two players lived in 2011, two players lived in 2411, a four century time gap, and yet somehow we were all still able to communicate. That’s mainly thanks to me getting my hands on some Trollian tech and incorporating it into our Persterchum data. For another thing, two of the four players had at least an idea as to what they would be getting into. These were two good pros to our session, or at least two things that didn’t affect the outcome very much. But one thing that did affect it and was a horrible con was the fact that the odds were all against us before we even began. See, my family kinda has this aggressive mutual hatred with this company run by–

*cough* Dirk, er…

Seriously? Okay, fine, I’ll move on to how exactly the odds were stacked against us. In the game there is a black queen, a black king, a white queen, and a white king. Or at least, that’s how it’s supposed to be. Only thing is, in our session, all of those royals had been taken out of the picture by another queen, a sea troll empress. She wanted to make the game her bitch, and so she decided to have all four players assassinated before the game even begins. This also was partly related to that mutual hatred thing that Cecil wouldn’t let me describe but is pretty important we’ll find out later.

Anyway, this x4-assassination plot is successful for all but one, who commits suicide in an attempt to save his friends, so… yeah, Dirk, the total self-sacrificing guy he is, still ends up dead, kinda. The reason he did this in order to save his friends is because of something that the game gives every player – a backup life in the form of a dreamself.

When my friends died, the only way to wake them up again on short notice was with the cheesiest B-rated movie method – a kiss, on the lips, to their corpse, which wakes up their dreamself. It’s not as gross as long as you focus on the fact that you are saving their life. Once in the game, we were able to mess around for about six months until the players from B1 and the remaining players from A2 arrived in our session.

You see, the point of escaping The Scratch was for the very purpose of entering this session and helping the alternate versions of our parents complete the game and share in the prize.

Wait, so, one question. Does that mean…?

Yes, Cecil, genetically, considering that Dirk is the father of my brother, that would mean that Dirk is my genetic father as well.

…I think you just broke him.

It would appear that way, yes.

…I feel like I should call Carlos to come comfort him but I don’t want to bother him… At the same time I feel like I should comfort him myself.

We both know you aren’t going to do it. At least, not now. Maybe later.

You know me so well.

…Anyway, after the others arrived in the B2 session, we all met up and shared a totally ironic family meet-up. It was even ironic for those who had never… met their guardians. Like… me. I had never met my Bro, who, the version of him from my universe had been murdered in an attempt to revolt against an alien tyrant.

And though I had met my mother, the version of her from Dirk’s universe had… had never met me until that meeting. My alternate self had been murdered in the same revolt attempt as my brother’s alternate, which had taken place about four hundred years before either of their births, if I have my facts correct. And before you ask the question brimming in your eyes, Mr. Palmer, keep in mind that Dirk and my brother were only brothers to each other in name.

Yeah. But, anyway, back to the point. Our session’s goals had been warped so much by all these different factors that we now had a new boss to battle in order to win. A nasty adult cherub known as Lord English. Cherubs are another alien species, and are not anything like the perceived “baby angels” that people so often think of. Real cherubs, the alien species, not the fictional creatures, are green-skull monsters who have wings in maturity, though Lord English never had wings. Probably because he never mentally matured. And I’m not surprised, he was always an ass.

Our small group of eight human players and five troll players were far outmatched by the combination of an adult troll empress who was not afraid to draw blood, a crazed teen clown troll who had turned against us and his troll teammates, and the massive Lord English himself.

We should have figured that this entire game was suicide and given up. But we were a bunch of idiots who still believed they could win a lost cause.

I tried to find the path that would lead us to success but… I couldn’t. It was as if though my vision had been clouded from the fortunate path. And I knew Dave was having a rough time as well trying to find our successful timeline, cycling though timelines and watching everyone die over and over…

I think that’s what caused him to finally snap. See, Dave and I can tend to be just a bit _too_ protective of our friends and family. So having to watch as everyone he loved died on repeat and not being able to find a way to end the bloodbath… that can be hard on a guy.

Yes, it can. And it was hard on him – it drove him to the brink of insanity.

He doomed every single timeline, thinking that he would finally be able to destroy the game that had taken so much from him once and for all, but in the process he also killed everyone he cared about and himself.

…He had only told me of his plan, but despite my best efforts to persuade him to reconsider, he had made up his mind. …I should have tried to reason with him better.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. I forgive him for what he did. He was reckless, yes, and he did kill everyone. But… he thought he had no other choice.

………………You’re right. I’m sorry. I do forgive him, it's just… what if I could have prevented him from killing all of us? Speaking of which, how are we even alive now? Is this… is this the universe’s idea of trolling us? Or maybe it’s punishment for not trying to talk Dave out of it… Letting us remain alive in a universe completely separate from the ones we knew and without our friends… If this were meant to be some sort of joke, I don’t find it very funny.

Rose, Rose, it’s okay. I don’t know why we are alive now, or why our friends aren’t alive too. What matters now is that we are alive now, and that we live here. And yeah, I’m not saying I don’t miss everyone – I do. You weren’t the only one who had someone you were especially close to. And yeah, he was an idiot, but I miss my Bro too. I miss all our friends.

…I… I just want to go home. I… I want my mom, and Dave, and… and Kanaya… a-and everyone else…

…Ah, listeners, I think it would be a good time to turn away from this special broadcast to take you now, to the weather.

[[musical interlude](http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/your-universe)]

Well, listeners, we are back again from the weather. Not much happened, really. And at the same time, everything happened. Interns Dirk and Rose do not wish to speak with me anymore about their lives before Night Vale, partly because Dirk had to escort Rose home during the weather.

Well, listeners, we have certainly learned a lot from my interns today. Including that rather disappointing fact about their relationship, but hey, no one can blame us for thinking they were together. Not even I can be blamed, but it seems there was a lot more to their story than anyone ever imagined.

And now, as the sun sets on our little town, let us all take a moment to reflect on our lives. Maybe we should appreciate our small, insignificant lives a bit more. Maybe we should take our chances more often, such as telling someone we love them before we lose them for good.

Stay tuned next for quiet, anonymous confessions and the sound of drunk sobbing.

Goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.


	7. Fire

Listeners, I am afraid I have some bad news.

Everyone remembers the old Black Siblings Apartment Complex next door to Big Rico’s Pizza – the one Carlos stayed in when he first came to Night Vale. Well, I am sad to say that it caught fire unexpectedly late last night after yesterday’s broadcast and burned down. No one was severely hurt, although I have received news that two people were placed in the hospital due to smoke poisoning. Thankfully, they might survive. I wouldn’t know, I don’t have all the information.

No one is entirely sure how the fire began, although the Sheriff’s Secret Police and key StrexCorp and CrockerCorp officials have determined that it started in Apt. 612-C, which, oddly enough, is the very same apartment my interns have been renting for the past four months during their time here in Night Vale.

Some officials believe it to be an act of arson, while others believe it to have been a simple kitchen fire. Either way, those who had been living in the low-rise apartment building, are now homeless. Family and friends of some of those who have lost their home have offered housing, but there are still many who have nowhere to turn.

I have been in contact with my interns, who were taken into custody to be questioned about the fire, seeing as it began in their apartment, and they said they will be coming in today straight from the station. Say whatever you will about them, but Dirk and Rose are diligent workers. Though, this is probably due to the fact that their apartment has burned down and they now have quite literally nowhere else to go.

Now, Carlos and I had a little chat, and we decided to offer Dirk and Rose the spare bedroom in our home, which they have graciously accepted until they can find their own place again.

Listeners, I have always wanted a child of my own. I had been hoping for a sweet, beautiful little daughter, perhaps one who has luxurious hair like Carlos, and maybe eyes like mine. However, a sulky, gothic teenage daughter who looks rather like myself, and a proud, equally sulky teenage son who is, perhaps, a bit more calm about many things than I would have thought possible from an outsider, could be just as nice. In fact, over the past few months, I _have_ come to see Dirk and Rose much like my own children. As long as they are my care, I consider it my responsibility that they make it at least to age twenty-two with all of essential organs and body parts intact, and really, isn’t that what fathers are for? Besides sacrificial purposes when they get too old to care for anymore, of course.

-door hinges-

Aw, thanks Mr. C, I’m touched. So touched I might have to file for extreme counseling – Ow! What‘d you hit me for?

You deserved that for the awkward tangent you almost sent us spiraling down. But, yes, thank you Mr. Palmer. We’re delighted that you are so kind as to invite us into your home.

But of course! I can’t leave my interns to fend for themselves in the bitter world.

You are too kind, Cecil. We cannot thank you enough.

Yeah, especially since this whole fire thing reeks of cake batter.

Really? I always thought fire smelled more like sulfur and ash and treasured but burned mementos.

*chuckle* Sorry, it was a metaphor. Don’t think about it too much.

Err, alright then. Still, I am happy that the two of you are perfectly safe.

Likewise, I’m sure.

So, do either of you have any idea as to what happened?

I have my ideas.

If you start that again I’m going to hit you over the head with a copy of Grimmore’s. It was worse when we were stuck at the station and were _literally_ surrounded by people who couldn’t wait to either kill us or take us apart slowly and painfully to see what's inside of us.

God, no, don’t fuss at me about that or hit me with your giant brick of a book.

Then don’t try to get us killed, _again._

Err, pardon? Who is trying to kill you again?

…No one, Cecil. We’ve just got some of our past coming back to try and disembowel us.

Well, when you put it like that, of course no one will worry.

Dirk, do me a favor and be quiet. Don’t entice someone to kill you before you even think things through. I know that’s usually your style, but you don’t live alone anymore.

*Sigh* Yeah, yeah, I know, Rose. It’s just… Never mind. It can wait.

Thank you, Dirk. Err, sorry about that, Cecil. We sort of just polluted that whole airtime with unnecessary arguing.

It’s alright, Rose. I am just happy that you are both safe and sound.

On that note, I take you to, the weather.

[[musical interlude](http://homestuck.bandcamp.com/track/hardchorale)]

Welcome back.

I would like to ask all of you to forget the conversation between my interns, as it was rather cryptic, and we all know what happens when we try to understand something we don’t.

Stay tuned next for the distant sound of a beloved memory. Let’s go home you two.

Goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.


	8. The Stars Repeat and Reapet and Repeat

The Sheriff’s Secret Police have released a notice today reminding everyone that Mission Grove Park is closed today for repairs and quarantine due to last night’s meeting of Night Vale Community College’s Chemistry Club in the park, during which a cloud of poisonous smoke came into existence when someone knocked over too many breakers of chemicals. The Sheriff’s Secret Police advise that everyone stay away from the park today, no matter how great of a shortcut it is to your job. More on this story as it develops.

And now, a look at the Community Calendar.

Monday’s rap battle out near the Ralphs will be rescheduled to next Friday afternoon. Bring your kids and your illest beats.

Tuesday is the CrockerCorp heir’s birthday, so it’s a holiday for all CrockerCorp-owned businesses. Take a break, and eat a cake. …I feel so lame just saying that.

Wednesday is… uh… There’s some sort of prophecy written here. I can’t read a word of it, but I guess I’ll describe the pictures to you. There’s uh… two people in lab coats… and there’s a person dressed in blue wandering the desert… and… a silhouetted boy in a windsock. Interpret that as you will.

Thursday is a mystery. No one knows where the killer is hiding – except the victim’s body. Okay, that’s a little fucked up.

This has been the Community Calendar. And now, a look at horoscopes.

Libra. The mind is a terrible thing to lose. Have you seen it recently? No? Better keep some weapons handy, then, we think it escaped.

Scorpio. Your gambling problem will be catching up to you soon. Sprinting faster will not help you escape, either.

Sagittarius. That stack of illicit artwork you have stashed in your home is going to be found by the neighbors soon if you don’t find a better place to keep it. Perhaps you should donate it to the museum you have in your backyard.

Capricorn. Your intense fear of the ocean will be tested today when your parents suddenly turn into goats and jump into the water, and you are the only one able to help them. Good luck.

Aquarius. You will come across an interesting discovery soon. Whether this discovery is good or not depends. But it will certainly be _interesting._ Change is coming, and you question if you will be ready for it. The answer is _no._

Pisces. Your streak of successes will come to an abrupt halt as an unexpected setback causes a panic in your life. Keep a watchful eye on your surroundings at both work and home, and maybe you can prevent it.

Aries. An archeological dig might be a fun way to get out sometime. Your fossilized bones would certainly make an interesting find.

Taurus. You will be given a job offer you cannot refuse soon. Seriously, they will not take “no” for an answer. They know—

Wait a minute. Isn’t this the same horoscope from last month? And the month before? Ugh. Update your predictions to something that will _actually_ happen, stars! Honestly, worrying good people for no reason.

Gemini. The past tense of two is one, the present tense of freedom is hope, and the future tense of life is death. Do what you will with this knowledge.

Cancer. Do you love the color of the sky? How about the color of the Void? You hear a faint voice you do not know as it whispers in your ear: “ _Which color?_ ”

Leo. An unexpected update to your “shipping wall” is scheduled to happen very soon, so keep your eyes peeled. Just because it is unexpected, though, doesn’t necessarily mean it is bad. Or good, for that matter. Don’t forget your blood sacrifice when you update it!

Virgo… *sigh* …You will be missed a lot, Virgo. It is too late to bring you back. …At least you look nice, dressed up in an outfit of your own design. You always had a thing for violet and green.

This has been horoscopes.

That last one was utterly depressing. I can hear Rose from _here._ …Err, oh. It seems that it’s time for the weather.

[[musical interlude](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbHY7vBAp4o)]


	9. Part 1: New Threats…

…And this concludes our sports report.

Listeners, my phone has been buzzing nonstop for the past fifteen minutes, which must mean that intern Dirk has news of that special information mission I sent him on earlier! You see, listeners, I had asked intern Dirk to do a bit of investigating for me and set up an interview with CrockerCorp’s president, Ms. Meenah Crocker. He was a bit reluctant, but I managed to convince him to go. Let’s see here now… Funny, it seems it was actually, Carlos… He didn’t leave any voicemail…

-door hinges-

Cecil? Carlos is on the phone – he said it’s really, _really_ urgent.

Oh? I wonder what’s so important. Hello?

_Cecil? Thank god, I’ve been trying to call for a while now._

I noticed, Carlos. Is everything alright? You sound so tense…

_Err… Not exactly. Dirk came home to help me out a while ago, saying you told him to come home and help me, and things were fine. But, well, something happened, a-and… I’m sorry, Cecil, but, Dirk and I won’t be home when you and Rose get here. Or tomorrow. We… We’ll try to get back as soon as we can, but I’m not even sure how long this will take us–_

Carlos? What on earth are you talking about? What happened?

_I’m sorry Cecil, but I’ve got to go. Take care of Rose for us. I’ll see you as soon as I can, and I… I love you—_

Carlos? Carlos?!

…………Listeners, I have the feeling that something very, very _wrong_ has happened. I-I’ll be back, and in the meantime I leave you with intern Rose and the weather.

[[musical interlude](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kJXEUq7DI-U)]


	10. Part 2: …And Old Friends.

*Sniffle*

…W-welcome back, listeners.

Ce-Cecil hasn’t returned yet from going to investigate th-the distress call from Carlos and Dirk, b-but he has called me to let me know w-what he found at the house. Th-the door had been t-torn off i-its hinges, and… he found one of C-Carlos’s unfinished p-projects on the k-kitchen table, a-and some b-blood on the f-floor. Th-there wasn’t any sign of either C-Carlos or D-Dirk a-anywhere… *sniffle* A-and he f-fears the w-worst h-has happened. I…

*sniffle* L-listeners, I r-regret few things in my life. I-I regret never t-telling K-Kanaya I loved her until it w-was t-too late. I r-regret not being able to talk my brother out of killing everyone. …I-I regret despising my m-mother f-for nine years. I regret n-never telling her I loved her, d-despite how m-many times she told me h-how much she loved me… I regret waiting until the day before we _died_ to tell my mother’s other self h-how much she meant to me… *sniffle* B-but… Most of all right now, I-I regret not entirely believing Dirk a-about… about _her._ Th-this is m-my fault for k-keeping m-my mouth sh-shut, a-and not letting D-Dirk try to w-warn everyone y-yet… Carlos was the only one we told who actually _believed_ us a-and… I-I think I know w-what happened t-to Dirk and Carlos a-and *sniffle* I-I wish I could _do_ something, b-but… * quiet sobbing*

………………………rosie?

*sharp breath* …Mom?! I- Mom!

rose! omg, i cant believe its u!

How-? Th-the game… Dave killed us all – I-I thought you were dead!!

i was, yeah, but i thought u were dead!

I-I’ve been here. Where have you been?

i found myself in this weird desert place and i was all alone

i would walk and walk but i could never get close 2 ANY thing

i think i saw some of our friends but every time i would walk 2ward them i would get farther and farther away! i would shout but it was like they couldnt hear me

eventually i gave up tryin to talk 2 people and just started wanderin, thinkin that it must be some weird sort of dreambubble, yknow

all the sudden i see this huge mountain & @ the base of it i could see what i thought was a screen

and im thinkin “oh shit i should SOOO check this out”

so i get closer and i see u!

which was rly weird cuz i hadnt seen u since we… u kno

u were cryin in here and i get sad cuz i didnt kno wat was wrong but i wanted 2 help anyway

not rly sure how i did it but i somehow pushed thru and made it here

Oh, Roxy, y-you have no idea how happy I am t-to see you… *sniffles*

rose rose its okay…

shhhhhhh…

I-I thought I’d n-never see you again…

rosie… im sorry… i cant…

R-Roxy, you’re fading!

i dont think i can stay 4ever but i promise 2 come back ok?

Roxy, no, don’t leave me too!

luv u mom b back asap

MOM!

………………………………………R-Roxy? …………………… *sniffle* …………Mom……… * _sobbing_ *


	11. Part 1: Disappearances…

…We’ve received many, many letters from those of you out there expressing your concerns and posing questions about the… the disappearances of Carlos and intern Dirk. I’m afraid that we still have not received word on their whereabouts or heard from either of them. But… Rose and I will not give up on them. At least… I’m sure Rose would agree with me on that. I haven’t spoken with her since she locked herself in her bedroom with two bottles of vodka that she stole from my wine cabinet two days ago. I’m sure she’s fine though. I mean, she did come out of her room this morning and insisted on coming with me to the station, so it’s a start, right?

…Right…

And now, a look at—

Oh, oh my, listeners. Intern Rose has just handed me a large, tan envelope, which is addressed to me, and the CrockerCorp logo is printed clearly in the top right corner. It has no writing on it other than my name and the word “ **NEWS** ” written in bolded, capital letters. Thank you, Rose. Let’s see here… Oh my, listeners. It’s… a missing child report, apparently issued by CrockerCorp this morning. Young Johnathan Crocker, heir of CrockerCorp, was reported missing early this morning. His mother Meenah Crocker is asking that anyone with information about his whereabouts to report it immediately to CrockerCorp headquarters.

… *sigh* …What a depressing thing, Night Vale. So many disappearances of innocent people, so close together. How frightening to think…

Could these disappearances be connected, listeners? And if so, how? Who or what is causing this? Why are they doing this to our town? What wrong have we caused them? Our loved ones… are they lost forever, Night Vale? Will Ms. Crocker never see her beloved son smile again? Will Rose and Dirk never be able to see each other again, or have their silent conversations, where neither has to say a word to relay their message?

Will I never see intern Dirk again; whom I had always believed could come back from anything? Will I never see his emotionless façade be broken by the odd smile ever again? Will I never get to see him grow into the strong adult he was supposed to be? A-and… Will I never have the chance, to see my perfectly imperfect Carlos again? To… to hold him in my arms again? To have him there to greet me with his perfect hair and his perfect smile when I come home?

-door hinges-

_**Cecil.** Stop._

……………………Sorry, Rose. You’re right, as… As usual. You and Dirk were always… always right. I… I think I need to lie down… Could you…?

*sigh* Yes, Cecil. I’d be happy to.

…Hello, Night Vale. Cecil will be back soon; I’m afraid he has what he believes to be a bit of a headache. Mostly, I’m afraid it’s heartache. But that does not matter.

What does matter right now is—

…The guest who just appeared in the studio with me.


	12. Part 2: …And Appearances

………………………………………Hello? Is this transmitting? I’m terribly sorry, listeners, we seemed to have lost our signal a few moments ago, after I met a stranger I already knew…

Listeners, I have a feeling that everything will turn out all right. Mainly because I am able to talk to you again. Even if I am not completely sure if this is reaching you.

However, whether this is reaching you or not, I have news to share.

I have a special report to bring to you, Night Vale. One that is even more special than our normal special news, and we all know how special _those_ are.

There is a Breeze in Night Vale, blowing about as I speak. He could whisper to you if you listen. And he has just freed himself from a concrete prison.

He’s told me things. Some I know. Some I didn’t, but I know them now. He’s been itching to be free like this, Night Vale. And in his captivity, he met others who felt the same. Though he couldn’t get them out yet, he fully intends to return for them.

There is an evil brewing in our town, Night Vale. I hope we are ready to defend ourselves—

…Cecil has just walked into the booth, listeners. He’s so very pale. Cecil, is something—

………… _ **Oh.**_

…I hope this is not the last time we speak listeners. But I am very afraid that it might be.

Uh, maybe it's time to sign off now, stay tuned for the sounds gentle forgiveness, and of whispered breaths of air!

Goodnight, Night Vale, (and don’t let this be goodbye!)


	13. Part 1: An Ominous Wind,…

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. A clock ticks down to the time of someone’s doom. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. It will decide how this person will die. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Will his death be a just death? Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Or will it be a heroic death? Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Either way, he is going to die. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. And either way, his death will be soon. Tick… Tick… Tick… Tick… Tick.

This has been Children’s Fun Fact Science Corner.

Listeners, I have received many calls about… about intern Rose. Night Vale. I’m sorry our show was ended so abruptly yesterday while Rose was in charge of the mic. Intern Rose had to… leave, on short notice.

I do sort of have a bit of an explanation about her disappearance, our radio station was… bought yesterday. By StrexCorp. And, I guess, by CrockerCorp too, considering that they have settled their differences and are now sharing every business in town.

Though, of course, why this would bother her, I haven’t the slightest idea–!

Oh, this just in, listeners: an ominous wind has been terrorizing citizens as it makes its way through town, seemingly in the direction of the station. The wind also seems to be whispering frightening things in people’s ears as it passes. It also seems intent on knocking over any StrexCorp or CrockerCorp employees in its path.

… *sigh* …Listeners. I worry for my interns. And for Carlos. I wish… I wish I had some way of knowing what happened to them. 

I-I’m afraid I need to go for a few moments, listeners. In the mean time, I leave you with the weather.

[[musical interlude](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9SQjvPLAWs)]


	14. Part 2: …An Old "Friend"

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Good afternoon, Desert Bluffs Greater Metropolitan Area. It’s Kevin.~ :) Your usual host had to… attend to some things, and well, he and StrexCorp asked me to step in for him. I’m so excited to be here with you all!

Even if this is just the closing of the show for Cecil – since his lazy interns have vanished out of nowhere on him! – I feel like me being here with you all is somehow bringing us closer together, y’know? Closer and closer, as we all should be, and will all soon be.

And now, as our show draws to a close, let us remember that we are all wonderful, and perfect, and beautifully _replaceable._

Stay tuned next for the quiet after a raging storm. And as always, until next time, Desert Bluffs. Until next time.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..………………………………………………………………hello? is this thing on? there’s a blinking red light, so i‘d assume it’s on……

well, err, night vale… i have a special message to deliver. and it’s from two people you might be very familiar with.

i guess i should introduce myself first. this is… the ominous wind that has been… haunting you, i guess? anyway, that’s not important right now.

uh, it’s a long story… and i dont have time to explain. im on a tight schedule here.

uh so… night vale. you are very aware, im sure, of the wrongs that have been committed in _your_ town! _your_ town is being taken from you by the very forces that are trying to destroy its history!

look, i know a lot of you out there probably don’t care about what i have to say, but… they asked me to do this, if i ever got away. And i don’t want to let them – or rose! – down.

dave’s bro and that dorky scientist guy are counting on me—

…………………………………………………………………………………

what was that.

………………………………………………

…um, i‘ll come back later—

[Distant] _You! Who let you back here?! Oh, when your mother finds out—_

yikes!

- **WHOOSH** -

………………………………………………………………… _I almost_ had _him! Urgh, I_ hate _kids!_


	15. Technical Difficulties

Greet each morning with a smile. An ominous smile. A petrified smile. Stare still and smile till the sun returns to its other horizon, and even then smile.

Welcome to the Greater Desert Bluffs Metropolitan Area.

Good afternoon, everyone! It’s Kevin. It’s been a few days since I was asked to “fill in” for your usual host. I’m certain that he is just fine, though. :)

Of course he is. Why wouldn’t he be, Kevin?

Why, hello Lauren!

Hello, Kevin.

It’s great to have you on the show today!

It is, Kevin. Unfortunately, it is for some, rather, not-so-great reasons.

Oh? That sounds terrible! What happened?

Well, it seems, Kevin, despite all the good things that have been happening – you know, like how we captured those teenage felons, the one who has been terrorizing the town and the ones who have been on the run from our company partner; we got our helicopters back; we brought _you_ here; we even took care of that wind that was haunting members of the community for a while—

Well, almost.

It _seems_ that whoever was _supposed_ to keep watch over that wind – well, they weren’t apparently doing a very good job of watching it. Also, one of our most brilliant minds is being… less, than cooperative, with our teams. He and another scientist are being rather… difficult. Ms. Crocker is quite distraught over it all.

Oh, my, how terrible! It’s so sad when people work against productivity that way.

It most certainly is, Kevin. But, don’t worry, StrexCorp and CrockerCorp are working to correct these… _problems._

Well, you heard Lauren, listeners. Be careful for that ominous wind that has unfortunately returned!

-static-

Wait, what’s—

- _static_ -

-white noise-

-static-

Listeners, please, bear with us! We seem—

- **white noise** -

-static-

-whirring-

—to be having technical difficulties!

- _high pitched squealing_ -

-howling-

- **tornado noises** -

Please! Bear with us!

*angrily* Kevin! Don’t just sit there – do something!


	16. And Back to Our Regularly Scheduled Heir Time

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...hello? oh, i hope i didn't destroy any of the equipment in here...

let's see here... nothing seems to be broken...

okay, seriously. i hope i can get all of this right before they find their way back in here... haha! as if they could make it past my awesome fort that i strategically placed in front of the door! pretty smart huh?

...okay so maybe it isn't as perfect as it could be..... but we made the best of what we had, so you can't really complain too much.

uh, okay! night vale. we have news for you. news about dave's bro and rose and that scientist - even the radio guy! they're okay, at least, they are for now. none of them are, dead, at least, which is always a good thing. so don't worry! we've got a plan to help them!

i'd probably tell you all the plan if i knew for sure that the genocidal tyrant holding them captive wasn't listening in, probably sending her robotic militia to come fetch me too. they're probably already on their way now. but we've still got time.

night vale, i don't know what my friends are thinking. but i do know this: night vale is under attack by things much older than it. i'm not sure if we can beat them but.... we still have to try! we're counting on you!

- **thud** -

....our time grows short. but don't worry night vale - we'll see you again soon! c'mon, roxy.

-void noises-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Wow, I am so sorry that I disappeared on all of you for what was almost two months. I got a summer job, which is part of what kept me away from writing this for so long. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, and I'm trying to put them up as fast as I possibly can, so thank you all for being so patient with me.


End file.
